NEW INQUIRY INTO NORFOLK AFFAIRS

You may not have heard, but the members of the JSC have decided they still cannot understand what makes this island tick (surprise, surprise!), so they are going to conduct another Inquiry in the near future. Here are some of the things they are hoping to find out about Norfolk Island's people:
JUST STOP COMPLAINING
TERMS OF REFERENCE
*Why are they still playing ball when we keep moving the goalposts and tripping them up?
*What is it about eating Pilhi that makes them so proud of their culture (and will they please ask us for Bounty Day so we can taste it again.)?
*Could they extend their free burial scheme to mainland Australia?
*Why are they fishing in our 200 mile zone without a licence?
*What secret tactics did they use to stop highrise development on the island when we couldn't do it in Australia?
*Would it be possible to replace the Norfolk dialect with Latin so they can understand "Quis custodiet Ipsos custodes?"
*Why do their kids do so well in a third world school?
*Are they educated enough to understand how much money we are spending in the Solomons, Vanuatu, Papua New Guinea and other independent Pacific Islands?
*Why are the patients so happy with their treatment in a third world hospital?
*Why are the parents not complaining about the third world childcare?
*How do they manage to run businesses without the paperwork?
*Why are their kids missing out on the important experiences of vandalising, spreading graffiti and other anti-social behaviours?
*Where do they hide their unemployed youth and social misfits?
*Why do they keep electing their governments and holding referenda when they know we take no notice of them?
*How do their community organisations and service clubs manage to keep raising so much money from an underprivileged and cash-strapped community?
*How do they get from place to place on their sub-standard roads?
*How do their pollies and ex-pollies get to use their gold passes?
*How can we convince them that "Life is not Meant to be Easy" and that they had better get used to being as miserable as the rest of us in the future?
*What are the angles and untidy edges we still need to knock off so they can fit into the nice smooth round hole we have prepared for them here in Canberra?
See you in our dreams!